Almost every family has heard some version of it. A parent, usually mid-conversation over a Sunday roast, says something like: “I’m not going into a nursing home. They’ll have to carry me out of this house in a box.” It’s said with conviction. Sometimes with humour. Often with a quiet fear underneath.
Yet, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, around half of all Australians aged 65 and over will use residential aged care at some point in their lives. For women, the figure is even higher. The gap between what people say they want and what actually happens is enormous, and it catches families off guard emotionally, financially and practically.
This isn’t about convincing your parents to accept aged care. It’s about starting a conversation that gives your family options, dignity and a plan, before a crisis forces decisions nobody is ready to make.
Why this conversation gets avoided
Talking about aged care means acknowledging that a parent is ageing. That they may lose their independence. That the relationship dynamic is shifting. For many families, this feels deeply uncomfortable. Parents resist because aged care feels like a loss of control. Adult children hesitate because they don’t want to seem pushy. And so the topic stays buried until something forces it to the surface, such as a fall, a hospitalisation, a diagnosis.
The problem with waiting is that decisions made in crisis are rarely good ones. There’s no time to research options, understand the financial implications, or consider what your parent actually wants.
How aged care actually works in Australia
It’s not a binary choice between living at home and moving into a nursing home. There’s a spectrum of support, and understanding it early gives families far more control.
Home care packages provide government-subsidised support so older Australians can stay in their own home. These range from basic help with cleaning and transport through to complex clinical care across four levels. Wait times can be significant, so joining the queue before care is urgently needed makes a real difference.
Residential aged care varies enormously in quality and style, from hotel-style living with private suites through to more clinical settings. The experience depends on location, provider and how much you’re able to pay.
The financial structure is where things get complex. Residential care involves a basic daily fee, a potential means-tested care fee based on income and assets, and an accommodation cost. That accommodation cost can be paid as a lump sum (a Refundable Accommodation Deposit, or RAD), a daily payment (DAP), or a combination. RADs can range from $350,000 to $1.4 million plus depending on the facility.
Your parent’s home may be assessed as part of the means test, which raises important questions about whether to sell, rent or retain the property. These decisions have flow-on effects for Centrelink entitlements, aged care fees and estate planning.
How to start the conversation
There’s no perfect script. But some approaches work better than others.
Start early and start gently. You don’t need a formal sit-down about nursing homes. A better approach is to weave the topic into natural conversation, perhaps after a friend’s parent needed care or a news story about aged care reform. Use these moments to open the door without making it feel like an intervention.
Lead with their wishes. Ask your parent what matters to them. Where would they want to live if they couldn’t manage at home? What kind of support would they be comfortable with? When people feel their preferences are respected, they’re far more likely to engage.
Acknowledge the emotion. If your parent pushes back, don’t force it. Something like, “I know this isn’t easy to talk about. I just want to make sure we’re prepared so you get a say in what happens.” That kind of honesty tends to land better than logic.
Bring finances in carefully. For many parents, money is deeply private. But understanding their asset position, super, pension entitlements and property is essential. Framing this as protecting their money, rather than interrogating it, helps. A financial adviser can also act as a neutral third party, taking the pressure off family members.
Why aged care planning is financial planning
Aged care is one of the most significant financial events a family will face, yet it’s rarely planned for with the same rigour as retirement or estate planning. Whether to pay a RAD or DAP, how to structure assets to manage means testing, whether to retain or sell property, these aren’t simple choices. They interact with superannuation rules, Centrelink thresholds, tax implications and estate plans.
Getting this right can save families hundreds of thousands of dollars and ensure your parent receives the quality of care they deserve. Getting it wrong can erode a lifetime of wealth in a matter of years.
Enduring powers of attorney and guardianship documents should also be in place well before they’re needed. If these conversations are left too late, cognitive decline can make legal arrangements far more complicated.
It’s an act of love, not a loss of hope
The families who navigate aged care best are almost always the ones who planned ahead. Not because they wanted to think about it, but because they cared enough to prepare.
Starting this conversation isn’t about taking something away from your parents. It’s about giving them a voice in their own future, protection for their wealth, and the peace of mind that comes from knowing their family is ready.
At Financial Spectrum, we help families plan for aged care with the same care and rigour we bring to every stage of life. From structuring assets and navigating means testing to coordinating with solicitors on powers of attorney, we’ll help you approach this with clarity and confidence.
Book a free strategy session and let’s talk about how to protect your family’s future.
Frequently asked questions
How much does aged care cost in Australia?
Costs vary depending on the type of care, location and facility. Residential aged care involves a basic daily fee, a potential means-tested care fee, and an accommodation payment that can range from $300,000 to over $1 million. Home care packages are government-subsidised but may involve co-contributions depending on your financial situation.
What is a Refundable Accommodation Deposit (RAD)?
A RAD is a lump sum payment to an aged care provider covering accommodation costs. It is fully refundable when a resident leaves the facility, less any agreed deductions. Families can choose to pay the full RAD, a Daily Accommodation Payment (DAP), or a combination. The right approach depends on your financial position and broader strategy.
Does the family home get included in the aged care means test?
It depends. If a protected person such as a spouse is still living in the home, it is generally exempt. If the home is vacated, it may be assessed as an asset up to a capped value. Structuring property and assets before care is needed can help manage this.
When should families start planning for aged care?
Ideally, aged care planning should begin well before care is needed, as part of broader retirement and estate planning. This allows time to structure assets, establish powers of attorney, and research care options. Families who plan early have significantly more choice and better financial outcomes.
Can a financial adviser help with aged care planning?
Yes. A financial adviser with expertise in aged care can help families understand the cost structure, model different payment scenarios, optimise assets for means testing, and coordinate with solicitors on legal documents. Professional advice can save families significant money and reduce the stress of navigating a complex system during a difficult time.
Consistently ranked one of Sydney’s top financial planners (Adviser Ratings), Brenton helps his clients life a great life by making the most of their money. Read his full bio here.
